I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
