I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
