I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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