spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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