I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize