Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
