He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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