Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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