So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
