Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
