My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
