Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
