He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He passed out mid-signature
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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