I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
