I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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