Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You are the jesus of drinking
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
