Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
