Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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