There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize