It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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