my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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