the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
