thus making me awesome and them whores
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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