You're my little dorito
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
