I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
