she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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