Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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