does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
