BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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