If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
