I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
