I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
