One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
