You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
