I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I know her cup size but not her name....
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