Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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