You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
