I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
