I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
