I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That accounts for only three of the penises
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize