He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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