cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
