I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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