so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i think my cat just said my name.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize