ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
