Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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