I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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