I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
