Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
