At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
