I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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