I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you win again, gameday.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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