chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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