Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
