It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
