I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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