he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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