im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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