America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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