her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
