Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
