if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
