Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
