If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
