Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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