Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
