when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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