Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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