I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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