things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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