You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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