The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
