FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
